My Girl

I just laid my girl down for a nap, and as I watched her eyes close peacefully I could not help but marvel at what a precious, precious blessing she is. Already, at 16 months, I can see her beauty, her intelligence, her sweet, sweet heart. Both Joe and I are so excited to watch as her perfect uniqueness develops into the woman that God created her to be.

With that said, each time I look at my beautiful, intelligent, precious girl there is a bit of sadness that comes to my heart. It is the sadness that knows that in a few years how much of an attack that she will be under. The same ambush that all of us girls go through-the one that says we are not pretty enough, thin enough, smart enough, good enough. The one that questions all that we are, and makes us not only take apart ourselves, but every other girl we see. I know that boys have their own ambush, but I am much more intermediate with the one we girls go through.

It breaks my heart to think that Linnea would ever not see all the goodness in her that I see. That she would ever look in the mirror, and not see her unique beauty but feel frustrated how much her appearance does not match up. I hate that I know that at one point in her life that she will experience being made fun of, being excluded, and made to feel she is not good enough. It also hurts to think that she would ever do that to another.

As her mother there is a part of me that just wants to shelter her from it all. But when it comes down to it I know that our role as parents is not to isolate our children from the bad in life, but to be more like a vaccine helping to inoculate so that they can stand when they are on their own. I don't mean that it is my role to tear her down, that will happen on its own accord. Rather, as she develops through childhood Joe and I are the ones to comfort her, and remind her of the truth of who she is.

I so badly want her to have a personal relationship in Christ. For, through that relationship one becomes certain that she/he is lovable, beautiful, worthy, precious, and made for a marvelous purpose. In Christ we learn to accept that we are, as Pascal said, a paradox of greatness and wretchedness. In our tangible relationship with Christ we learn to see our faults and vices, make no excuses for them, accept that we are forgiven, and then venture on the hard journey of letting them go and being healed. Sadly, Christianity too often focuses only on salvation and neglects the amazing journey one partakes as they embrace who Christ created them to be.

I know too well that I can not force or expect Linnea to have a personal relationship with Christ. For it is something that she must long for and seek herself. Oswald Chambers said, in My Utmost for His Highest, "that we cannot give people what we have found, but can only seek to make them homesick for what they see in us." Oswald hit the nail on the head-If I want my daughter to long, and yearn for Christ then I must live a life that reflects his love and glory. I must walk in faith even when it means possibly letting go of all my securities. I must face my vices, even when it means painfully shattering my pride. I must live a life out of passion and conviction. I must show others compassion, love and forgiveness. I must not judge, but at the same time not allow my life to waiver outside of what I believe is truth. As I write this I know all too well my shortcomings in these areas. However, my comfort is that I know that Lord can work through my shortcomings, and that ultimately Linnea is in His hands and His love for her is far greater than mine.

* The picture is one of my favorites of Precious Linnea sleeping at 3.5 months old