The Intentful Life: Mi Madre

Recently my mom came up for a visit. It wasn't a visit really, more of a work party. I had told her how overwhelmed I was feeling with how much that needed to be done before Hannah's arrival, and how little time either Joe or I had to do it. She told me not to worry and that she would be there to help, and sure enough she was.

It is funny but the older I get the more it seems that I need my mom. It seems that I somehow went from wanting to prove that I could do everything on my own, to just wanting my mom more and more. I guess because she allowed me the independence and respect that I needed to find who I was that I am now finding myself wanting to be more like her. Motherhood has played a huge role in this as well.

There are so many things that she did that I want to emulate. I see some of the things I want to emulate not necessarily natural to my personality but because they impacted my life so positively I want to do them for my girls. For example, I like things really clean and really clutter free. However, as a mom I let L make messes, we do messy projects all the time, and don't worry about magic markers or paints. As long as I can wipe it up later,I would rather her have the experience of creating than worry about if her paint brush got off the paper. And I know that this isn't natural to my personality, but I can hear the wise echo of my mother saying, "I can clean up a mess but I can't give back a childhood."

When I think about my mom I feel warmth, love, acceptance, and fun. My mom has a way of making everything positive, and gave me the gift to laugh at the worse of circumstances. I use to whine that my mother wasn't critical enough, that she was overly positive and encouraging about me-Joe laughed a lot when I complained about this. But now I am thinking I am beginning to understand her. The world is a critical place that will question the core of who we are. But as a mom I get to be the person in my daughter's life who isn't critical of her, who can be realistic of who she is but encourage her to love and accept the beauty of her creation.

I watch my mom and Linnea together and I reminded of all the things that she did right. I am amazed at how easy it is for her to play imaginary three year old games-whereas I find myself struggling to come up with something for the horse to say to baby jaguar. I watch in awe at how easily relating to a three year old is for my mom, but then again relating to people of any age or background is one of her gifts. She makes L feel important, listened to, loved, respected, and she brings an aspect of magical fun that is uniquely hers. And L adores her.

One of the things I love the most about having two girls almost exactly the same age difference as my sister and I is that in away I feel like I am getting the opportunity to follow in my mom's footsteps. I get to pick and choose the footsteps that I will step into, and I will make my own along the way but there is something about having my girls that make me feel even more deeply connected to her.

I love the following pictures as I think they show the mutual adoration between L and "Marmar."